Will your wedding vows be personalized?

WEDDING VOWS

Your wedding vows are the public expression of your love and commitment to your future husband or wife. A wedding vow is more than merely expressing romantic feelings about the one you love. Your wedding vows are a promise and solemn pledge to the one you are marrying. Wedding vows should express what this marriage means to you, what promises you are making to the one you are marrying, and for how long you are making these promises.

Wedding vows can be traditional or non-traditional, religious or secular, serious or funny. While many choose classic and traditional vows, many other couples are choosing to write their own personal and unique vows. Legally, it does not matter what vows you use. As long as you get a marriage license that is signed by two witnesses and a state-licensed official, you will be legally married. If you are getting married in a religious setting, however, you should check with your officiant as there may be specific words that you cannot deviate from and must include in your wedding vows.

TALK TO YOUR FUTURE SPOUSE

Talk to your future spouse and decide on the type of wedding vows you want. Will you be using traditional vows or writing personalized vows? Will you be saying the same vows that you write together or will you each say completely different vows that you will each write on your own?

TALK TO YOUR OFFICIANT

If you and your spouse decide to write your own vows, talk to your officiant and make sure he/she is okay with personalized wedding vows. Some religions require you to use traditional wording, and others allow personalized wedding vows as long as you include certain phrases. Even with traditional vows, there may be options. Many couples prefer to say the alternative phrase "so long as we both shall live" rather than the "until death do us part" statement. Talk to your officiant and see what wedding vows you can use or what phrases must be included if you write your own.

TRADITIONAL "I DO" WEDDING VOWS

You may consider saying classic and traditional vows that are recited by the officiant and answered by the soon to be wedded couple.

"Do you (name) take (name) to be your lawful wedded wife/husband? (Each responds "I do.")....Do you promise to love and cherish her/him, in sickness and in health, for richer for poorer, for better for worse, and forsaking all others, keeping yourself only unto her/him, for so long as you both shall live? (Each responds "I do.")... Do you together promise in the presence of your family and friends that you will at all times and in all circumstances, conduct yourselves toward one another as becomes husband and wife? (They respond together "We do.")...Do you together promise you will love, cherish and respect one another throughout the years? (They respond together "We do.")

WRITING YOUR OWN WEDDING VOWS

Writing your own wedding vows is a very personal and romantic expression of your love and commitment for your future spouse. Even if you know this is what you want, sometimes it is hard to put your feelings into words. When you start it doesn't have to be organized or in a finished form, just write down all the thoughts you have about the person you are marrying, about your love, your relationship, memories and shared experiences, and your thoughts on your marriage together. When you have all your notes, you can use this information to help write your final draft.

Fortunately there are many resources available to help you. Take the time to read through a variety of wedding vows and write down passages and quotes that you like. Many times you can find the words you like in a song, in poetry or other publications. You will probably not use all the things you have written down, but you will use the information to put together the final wedding vows. If you just aren't able to put it all together they way you want, you can also find a wedding vow template that you like, and insert personalized information in the blanks. Your wedding vows should finish with a sentence that begins "I promise" or "I vow".

When you have completed writing your wedding vows, practice saying them out loud. You may wish to share them with a trusted friend or family member if you want feedback or suggestions. When you have your final version, practice saying them until it feels comfortable. Always write them down on note cards for the wedding, even if memorized, just in case you need them.

MORE THAN JUST WORDS

Your vows are a significant aspect of the wedding ceremony and not purely ceremonial. To say that the wedding vows are only words is similar to saying marriage is only a piece of paper. Your wedding vows reflect the love and commitment you have for your spouse and the meaning of your marriage together.